The Rose-Colored Death

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a headstone does.

For all of you out there in wonderland who are asking,  “What is The Rose-Colored Death?”, I will explain it to the best of my ability. The Rose-Colored Death (my phrase, non-clinical) is a mental defect which causes to a person believe that suicide is a better alternative to facing life and dealing with reality. It’s when a human being’s coping mechanisms are so poorly developed, that even the littlest task is a detriment and not worth even doing because suicide is just easier. I understand what it feels like, I have been there. And even more recently, I have lost two family members in Michigan to The Rose-Colored Death.

My heart aches for any person out there who is experiencing it. I can honestly tell you that I understand what you are going through, but I urge you to seek help. I cannot begin to express how it feels to be the survivor of a suicide loss. I am not ready to discuss it out of respect for my family, but I can openly say it is a grief that I am not sure I will ever completely recover from.

One thing I have recovered from, however, is homelessness. You may find it interesting to know that I purposely chose to be homeless at one point, which is much different than be forced into that position. I have lived all over the country, traveling by various methods including hitchhiking and riding a ferry down the Inside Passage of Alaska for three days. I have seen places that many people only dream of going and often times I did it with very little money, but I do have to admit that the ferry cost a pretty penny for someone in my shoes.

Destination El Paso
Original Pastel, 2014 “Destination: El Paso”

My point is, I may have been living in difficult circumstances back then, but at least I was gaining experiences that I could never possibly do now because of new laws in effect, not to mention that I am a full-time mother. About that, I am so glad to be her mother, she gives me strength and hope for the future. Without her, I would have died too. It’s experiences and desire for more life that gives us a reason to keep trying. When a person has a mental illness, they need a reason to try, otherwise they will give up.

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