well, it’s just my nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Work. Yes, it stinks for everyone. There is always one person who seems to make life unbearable. Here it is, my fourth week and the dream job I was doting on in my last post turns out to be less dreamlike than I had initially hoped for. It’s also the third week of classes and I already have an exam in Women in European History. I have legal classes four nights a week. I also write for Author’s Nest as a contributor and have been trying to squeeze in time with my daughter. So, of course, I’m beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed.
I was keen on the fact that this semester would be hard. It’s the last one, and I graduate. Awesome, great, excellent, but I still have to do the work. It’s good, but there are moments when it is not so good. I think a big portion of this has to do with the difficult personalities I am encountering in the workplace. Being blamed for doing something wrong when I haven’t even been trained how to do it once is a large part of the problem I am seeing here. There is also a large imbalance of power in the workplace which creates tension. I personally have no power, so it’s not an issue with me or what I am doing.
The real obstacle for me is how I react to it. If I know this person is antagonistic, then I will essentially win if I do not react, and only act obedient and helpful. Any attempt to reason with this person will not be successful because the behavior is a deep-rooted issue that comes from within, not so much from outside stimuli. Although I know all of this in my head, it still makes it difficult to focus on doing my job when I feel like I am always on the defense around this person, which causes me to react to certain behaviors negatively.
My mother is concerned I am going to blow up on this person at some point if I bottle up all of my emotions, because, after all, I do still have mood swings. I can feel my anxiety coming on when I think about work now because I don’t want to deal with the negativity in the workplace. Fortunately, I have an outlet now (this blog) to express these difficulties, which gives me a healthy way to cope. Writing has really helped me explore different ideas, so I have more insight into different situations. Of course, the great benefit to that is learning how to deal with difficult people in a better way.