I keep telling the people in my life off, everyone except Steve. That hasn’t happened…recently, or yet again. I dreamt last night that I told him to shut the front door, figuratively. That would be the second time I would have said that to him, had it really happened this time. In reality, it only happened once, two years ago, while Nick was still alive. I think that was what led to my most recent homeless scenario.
The most difficult part of my life, I think, is trying to find a balance between being real with people and trying to accommodate their needs as well. Is that just a woman’s burden? I don’t know the answer to that; yet, it does seem to be the norm, at least in my experience. This is passed along by my mother, and perhaps, hers as well.
I never knew my grandmother that well. She seemed like kind of a jerk because she was much harsher than my grandpa (this is on my mother’s side). However, as I’ve progressed in life, I’ve noticed many resemblances between Jane and myself. We are both politically inclined, and interested in the library. We are strict and perhaps unfashionable, but we stick to our core values. We love fiercely and maybe act a bit too harshly when overwhelmed. Yet, the most important quality we share is that we care for the people in our lives very deeply. That’s what matters most.
Grandpa Jack, when you go, I will miss you so much. I know it’s not much longer, now. I’m okay with that because I feel lucky that you have lived as long as you have. We are all so fortunate to have had Tracy in our lives to help you after Grandma Jane left; having her there kept you with us for much longer than I ever thought you would be around after she died. I am so glad for that. I love you, and I will cry when you go. I hope I can see you once more, but if not, I’m okay with that, because I know I’ll always be your Heddo. Love you always,